About the Author: Barbara Ann Sharon, Chief Learning Officer with the Training Edge offers up more suggestions on Listening.
We’ve all heard about the dos and don’ts of good listening habits. I wanted to take it one step further. What about what are the “dos” of Generous Listening? In my last blog, I defined generous listening is the highest and most important level of listening. It is beyond active listening.
Generous listening is when we are willing to give ourselves to others and truly listen to another person without a filter, judgment or the decision not to listen. Learning to generously listen requires commitment to the other person and is beyond active listening. It is the willingness to truly be present and do your best to close your mind to opinions, quick jumps to interrupt and to “go away.” The "do's" of generous listening focus on fostering understanding, respect, and a genuine connection during conversations. Here are key practices to embrace:
Be Fully Present:
Prioritize the speaker and eliminate distractions, such as phones or multitasking. I know. This is a tough one. Today’s usage of being connected to one’s cell phone is stronger than ever before. Yet, when you are connected to one thing, such as your phone, you cannot be connected to something else, like the person that is speaking. Maintain eye contact and use positive body language to show attentiveness. This demonstrates that you are engaged and value what the other person is saying.
Practice Patience:
Allow the speaker to share their thoughts without interruption. Resist the urge to jump in with solutions or responses prematurely. Give them the space to express themselves fully before contributing your perspective. This can also be tough because we are in a pretty self-dominating world where everything is about yourself. Be willing to stretch yourself and learn something new about someone else.
Listen to Understand, Not to Respond:
Amazing! Did you know that not everything requires a comment or opinion? We sometimes tend to think that it does – like when someone is talking with us, they are doing so always for feedback. Focus on grasping the meaning behind the speaker's words rather than formulating your reply while they are still talking. Wait that extra time to see if they continue talking (and you need to listen) or if they truly want a response. Pay attention to both verbal and nonverbal cues, such as tone and body language, to gain deeper insights.
Acknowledge and Validate:
Sometimes a person may share their “story” and doesn’t want our opinion. Imaging that!? Show empathy by acknowledging the speaker’s feelings and experiences. Use phrases like, "I can see how that would be challenging," or "That sounds exciting!" This helps the speaker feel heard and understood.
Ask Thoughtful Questions:
At some point during the conversation, the speaker is looking for your insight or a response. The key thing here is to encourage the speaker to elaborate by asking open-ended questions. This shows curiosity and a genuine interest in their thoughts. For example, you could say, "Can you tell me more about that?" or "What led you to feel that way?" Let them tell their “story” longer than you previous did. Listen more.
Reflect and Paraphrase:
At some point, it is important to summarize or paraphrase what the speaker has said to confirm your understanding. His allows the other person to feel reinforced and / or heard. For instance, "So, if I’m hearing you correctly, you’re feeling concerned about the deadline?" This ensures clarity and demonstrates that you are actively engaged.
By practicing these "do's," you can create a safe and supportive space for meaningful conversations, fostering trust and deeper connections in both personal and professional relationships. Try it out. Be a generous listener. You will be amazed at the gift that not only you give, but you receive.
For more information on Generous Listening, contact Barbara Ann at basharon@trainingedge.com or 610.454.1557
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